I am impressed by something I think Stephen Covey spoke about. It was about gossip. Why do people gossip? It is almost always because they don’t feel good about themselves and gossip gives them a temporary relief (almost like a painkiller does – fixes the pain briefly but doesn’t do anything to solve the underlying issue) from having to face themselves.
“At least I am not as bad as ______________. Did you hear what she did?”
Stephen Covey mentioned that if you are the one to actually defend the person not present, you will actually be trusted more by the actual people in the group gossiping.
Let me repeat that: The people in the group will actually trust you more if you defend the person they are gossiping about.
So, you replying with something like: “I know her. She’s a great person. Maybe she was just having a bad day!” sends the message to the people gossiping that: “When you and I have a falling out, I will defend you, too!”
They may not be able to articulate why they feel they can trust you, but they will know it somehow, even if they cannot express how they know it.
The real reason defending the other person is because it aligns with the principle of the Golden Rule. How would you want someone to treat you if others were saying unkind things about you?
Principles govern the consequences of our choices. So let’s figure out what they are – especially when it comes to very important things like relationships. We have two choices when we encounter a principle: 1) align with it; or, 2) ignore it to our peril. Take the principle of gravity: we can align with it– build a hydroelectric dam, start a skydiving company, build a ski resort, etc.–or we can ignore it to our peril and fall off a cliff. Gravity doesn’t change. Our respect and alignment (or not) with the principle is the only thing that changes. Principles govern relationships, too. They, like gravity, are ancient and timeless. And we have the same choice. Align or Ignore.
The Golden Rule is as powerful as gravity in relationships. Align or ignore – even when people are gossiping.
Next time we see gossip going on, defend the person not there. You’ll build trust and in the long run, you are figuratively building a hydroelectric dam that will figuratively make you millions of dollars instead of figuratively falling off a cliff. Gravity (and the Golden Rule) are real. We can choose to align or ignore